How'd It Mo?

So, keen observers will have noticed something of a lack of updates here.  There's a reason for that.  Turns out, it's quite hard to think of entertaining ways to say "and then I grew slightly more hair on my upper lip".  So, I've been holding off until I had something interesting to report.  And the interesting thing is that it's now the end of Movember!  Woo!  So how did it all turn out?  Like this:

Very... erm... moustache-y.

Could have been better, I think!  (Could have been worse too, given the slow start.  At least the damn thing shows up in photos now!)  One thing I've discovered is that at least 1/4 of my moustache hairs are white or blonde and thus invisible, which doesn't help the whole not looking like a pillock thing.  Also, as predicted, style was no much of an issue, with only one trim being necessary during the entire month.

Reactions have been varied, the most complimentary coming from Andy Leask ("you look a little like the bassist from some 80s new romantics") and the slowest recognition also coming from Andy Leask, who took a good ten minutes to notice!  (He also wins the "best double take" prize too.)

Thanks are due to all those who donated to Movember, raising a total so far of £130 for men's health.  Given my hairiness levels, I reckon that's about one pound per hair.  Anyone who wants to claim their sponsored hairs can email me... (yuk.)

I'll leave you with Alex's assesment of the whole thing:

Alex: Daddy... m'ache!  No Mummy m'ache!  No Alex m'ache.  Daddy m'ache.

Nicola:  Is Daddy's moustache pretty?

Alex: (pause for consideration) No.

Gee, thanks son!

On Your Marks, Get Set, Mo!

Remember, it's easy to donate money to help with cancer awareness, research and treatment.  Just follow this link and sponsor my upper lip!

Days 1 - 3


The rules for Movember are pretty simple: start clean shaven and then grow a mustache.  Further more, a mustache is defined as not connecting to your sideburns (that's a beard) or your chin (that's a goatee).  The  latter rules aren't a worry for me, as even if I tried I couldn't break them.  My upper lip remains an island of hair, related to but not actually connected with the remaining hair on my face, a bit like Britain and the EU.  The first rule is more of a pain, though, as my lack of hairiness means that I would have really liked a head start.  Still, in for a penny, in for a pound, so I begin Movember appropriately clean shaven.

Just because I'm playing by the rules, however, doesn't mean I'm not going to take every advantage possible.  In an effort to get the maximum mustache growing time I shave at around 11:30pm on the 31st of October, thus making me clean shaven at the very start of Movember, but also giving me an extra night's worth of growth.  I am quite pleased with this trick although it makes no visible difference.

The first couple of days pass without incident or, to be honest, much hair growth.  In the normal course of things I tend to shave only once I get so scruffy even the cat looks down on me, which usually amounts to once every five to seven days or so.  (I told you, I have low standards!)  No one remarks on my appearance.

People might not be looking at me yet, but I find that I'm looking at them much more closely now that I'm Mo'ing.  I catch myself assessing other men's facial hair all the time.  Anyone with a hairy face isn't taking part in Movember at this point, but they provide valuable hairy role models.  Do I want to go with the Seventies used car dealer weasel 'tache?  Or perhaps the grizzled council refuse collector upper lip warmer?  Tough call.  Neither, really, if I'm honest, but I don't know how much choice I'll have.  I've never intentionally grown a mustache and I don't know what my upper lip will actually produce.  It could be that I'll just end up with the classic "teenaged boy trying to look older peach fuzz" style.  Which would suck.  Quite badly.

Nicola remarks that I should go for a "Shakespearian" mustache.  I'm not sure what she even means by that (are Shakespearian actors prone to growing Mo's?), until she explains that she meant the sort of 'tache Shakespeare himself wore.  To the internet!

Errr... Maybe not.

OK, that's a bit better, I suppose.  Plus, I like the earring.  Makes him look like a pirate!

Maybe I'll just decide later.

On day three, Alex informs me that "Daddy prickly", which I take to be a sign that I should shave.  Normally I'd not bother for a while yet, but the spirit of Movember is very much mustaches, not designer stubble that you eventually shave into a mustache.  I grab my razor and perform my first jaw only shave.  It's an odd sensation and I can't shake the feeling that I've forgotten to do something when I'm finished.  I am aware of my top lip in a way that I have never been before.  I look in the mirror to admire my mo'.

I'm going to need to see some ID.

Sigh.  I've got a long way to go...

The Mo The Merrier

Day -1, No Mo.

I am starting to think this might be a very bad idea.  What seemed like a hilarious piece of light hearted japery now seems like a moronic plan of monumental proportions.  My hands quiver, my heart beats quicker in my chest and my body prepares to flee, but there is no escape.  I will just have to do it.

I am going to grow a moustache.  For a whole month.

I've not taken leave of my senses (at least, not completely).  I'm taking part in Movember, the now worldwide men's health awareness and fund-raising campaign.  All throughout the Month-Formerly-Known-As-November men, known as Mo-bros, grow 'taches, badger people for sponsorship and generally look like prats.  Women (Mo-sistas) don't grow moustaches, but do badger people for sponsorship and put up with their loved ones looking like prats.  OK, great, I hear you say.  Simple concept, catchy name, a month of looking like an escapee from a porn film, so what's the problem?

The problem is that I have hilariously bad facial hair.  I have pretty low standards when it comes to my appearance, let's be honest, but even I acknowledge that I have terrible facial hair.  Any attempt to grow a beard - from a goatee to a full face fuzz - results in me looking like a mangy dog that got tangled in a roll of sticky tape and only just pulled itself free.  You know that kid at primary school who got chewing gum stuck in their hair and had to have a patch shaved off?  That's me, only the patches are all over my face.  What's more, my facial hair doesn't grow quickly.  When I shave on a Monday morning, I don't get a five o'clock shadow, I get a Thursday afternoon shadow.  If my beard were on sale at Tesco, it would be in the "Market Value" section, probably with a "reduced to clear" sticker on it and still wouldn't sell.  In short, not only will I be growing an unfashionable bit of face fungus, but I will be doing so badly.  And then blogging about it on the internet because, you know, this is the future and all that.  Oh, and posting it on Facebook.  And Twitter.  And talking about it in person, assuming I actually dare leave the house.

So why the hell am I putting myself up for public ridicule?  Easy.  Because men are idiots.  We drink, we eat crap, we sit on out arses and shout at the footy on the telly rather than playing it ourselves and we act like we're dying when we've got the cold.  When we're actually ill,  though, we don't go to the doctors', preferring to ignore it and hope it will go away.  Sometimes it does, but sometimes it doesn't.  Sometimes it's us that go away instead.

We can change that.  Part of Movember is raising awareness of men's health, and prostate and testicular cancers in particular.  That's why I'm writing this blog and bugging you to read it and then tell your friends to read it too.  Or tell them to read something better written, like this.

Of course, there's another reason for Movember, and my participation in it: fund-raising.  Medical research costs money.  Awareness campaigns cost money.  Treatment and post-treatment care costs money.  I know a global recession isn't the best time to ask for cash, but please, if you've got a fiver spare, chuck it in the tin at http://mobro.co/ajsb/

On The Blog

This blog looks a bit like a can of Lynx. Have you no taste?


I picked the colour scheme because I thought it looked like a shaving commercial.  It seemed appropriate.


What's with the ads?

I don't anticipate them raking it in, but I've enabled adverts on this blog.  Any monies raised by them will be donated to the Movember campaign.  Every penny helps.

You mentioned Twitter...

Yes I did! Thanks for bringing that up, imaginary voice in my head!  You can follow me at @AJSB1979 for daily, bite sized Movember related updates.  Quite why you'd want to do so is beyond me, but you can if want.